Darkened Heart
by Koneko no Miko
Summary: Lisa Garland, a young nurse trapped in an unbearable situation, makes a desperate choice.
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER:Â  Silent Hill and its characters belong to Konami; the rest is copyrighted to me.Â  Written for love, not profit.Â  This story includes some plot elements found in the game, and therefore contains MAJOR spoilers...proceed at your own risk.Â  There are many different ways to interpret what happened in Silent Hill, and this is mine; yours may vary.Â   
  
//Words between slashes// connote thoughts; dated sections are from Lisa's diary.Â  I have not been able to figure out how to use HTML correctly on this site, despite all efforts; if anyone knows (I use Microsoft Word, and saving it as a web page doesn't work), PLEASE e-mail me; I will be eternally grateful!  
  
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DARKENED HEART by Koneko no Miko  
  
Lisa sat on the edge of Alessa's bed.Â  "Poor thing," she murmured, checking the IV tubing for air bubbles.Â  "I wish there was something more I could do to help you."Â  Lisa had dealt with burn patients in nursing school, of course, but she'd never seen such an extreme case...at least, one where the victim had lived.  
  
Her eyes strayed to the picture propped up on the bedside table.Â  From the cheap dimestore frame, a young woman looked off to the side, her eyes apprehensive.Â  If it hadn't been for the scrawled name across the bottom, Lisa never would have realized that it was the same person.Â  "You were a beautiful girl," Lisa said, then hastily added, "And you will be again, someday.Â  You won't always be here."  
  
"You're wasting your breath, Nurse Garland."  
  
Quickly, Lisa stood and saw Dr. Kaufmann standing in the doorway, arms folded against his chest, regarding her with a mixture of contempt and amusement.Â  "You might as well be talking to a stone, or a wall," he continued.Â  "There's no use in talking to that patient."  
  
"Studies show that comatose patients can sometimes still hear.Â  Besides, what's the harm if I..."  
  
"She's a *husk*, Nurse Garland, a goddamned vegetable.Â  She might as well be dead.Â  Save your sympathy for the living."Â  With that, he turned away and exited the room.Â  Lisa could hear him whistling as he walked down the hallway.  
  
"What an asshole," Lisa muttered, turning back to the figure on the bed.Â  "I hope you didn't hear *that*, anyway."Â  She sat down on the edge of the bed and took a small notebook from the pocket of her uniform.Â   
  
"I like to write poetry on my lunch break.Â  Would you like to hear something I wrote yesterday?"Â  She flipped through a couple of pages.Â  "It's not very good, but it's about a botanical garden I visited when I was little.Â  It was the most beautiful place I've ever been."Â   
  
Lisa took a deep breath and recited, almost shyly, "Clouds flowing over a hill.Â  Sky on a sunny day.Â  Tangerines that are bitter.Â  Lucky four-leaf clover.Â  Violets in the garden.Â  Dandelions along a path."  
  
Alessa's hand twitched slightly.  
  
Lisa laughed.Â  "Told you it wasn't very good!Â  Right now, it's more like notes for something better."Â  She winced as she saw fresh stains spreading on the bandages wrapped around Alessa's pathetic form.Â  "Oh, honey, again?"Â  Sighing, she opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a roll of surgical gauze.  
  
A voice crackled over the intercom.Â  "Nurse Garland to the ER, stat...Nurse Garland to the ER, stat."  
  
Lisa set down the gauze.Â  "I'll be back, I promise."Â  She adjusted the sheet and brushed a stray lock of ebony hair from Alessa's blank eyes before running out the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

April 16th  
  
I don't think I can stand this place anymore.Â  When my alarm clock goes off, I practically pray for a speedy aneurysm to put me out of my misery.Â  None of the other nurses even speak to me, and Dr. Kaufmann gives me the creeps.Â  And that girl in the basement!Â  I've seen patients who were worse off than her, but for some reason, she makes me really sad.Â  I still can't believe such a pretty girl (well, she *used* to be anyway) is that witch Dahlia Gillespie's daughter.  
  
I'm kind of ashamed to admit this, but I've been stealing drugs from the hospital.Â  I don't think I could make it through the day otherwise.Â  I get the usual painkillers and uppers from the supply room, but there's some really good stuff in Dr. Kaufmann's office. I swear I was only looking for a patient's file, but I found little packets of white powder in one of his drawers, labeled "White Claudia".Â  At first I thought it was cocaine, but when I got home and snorted a few lines, it felt totally different.Â  It felt like I was floating, high above this horrible place, and I never wanted to come down.  
  
It felt like heaven. 


	3. Chapter 3

Lisa sat in her car, trying to get up the strength to go inside and start another 12-hour shift.Â  "Don't wanna *be* here," she groaned.Â  She rummaged through her purse until she found a small glassine envelope.  
  
//Ah, crystal inspiration...//  
  
Hastily, she finished off the bag, then rubbed the residue from her nose, checked her makeup, and went inside.  
  
"You're a little late, Lisa," the head nurse said coldly as she walked by.  
  
"Sorry!" Lisa sang out, hitting the down button on the elevator.Â  "Alarm didn't go off!"  
  
//How did I ever live without this wonderful stuff?//  
  
When Lisa stepped into Alessa's room, she saw her notebook on the bedside table.Â  "Oh, great, I suppose everyone has been passing this around and making fun of it."Â  She considered the possibility, then chirped, "Ah, fuck 'em!"  
  
Alessa moaned.  
  
"Hey there," Lisa said softly, taking Alessa's wrist and checking her pulse.Â  "How's my favorite patient today?"  
  
An unfamiliar voice whispered, "Read the poem."  
  
Lisa gasped and whirled around.Â  "Who's there?" she demanded.Â  She went to the door and peered into the hallway, but she didn't see anyone.Â  Returning to the bed, she looked down at Alessa and said, "That wasn't *you*, was it?"  
  
Alessa's eyes moved under the lids, as though she was dreaming.  
  
Nervously, Lisa picked up the notebook and looked inside.Â  With a gasp, she realized that two lines had been written under her girlish, almost prim handwriting, in thick red ink that almost looked like blood:  
  
//Unavoidable sleeping time.  
  
Liquid flowing from a slashed wrist.//  
  
Trembling, Lisa closed the notebook and fumbled in her pocket for more White Claudia. 


	4. Chapter 4

May 14th  
  
Something horrible happened at work today.Â  I overheard Dahlia Gillespie and Dr. Kaufmann talking about Alessa, and although I didn't catch all of it, I heard enough to find out what really happened.Â  Faulty wiring my ass!Â  They burned down that house on PURPOSE!Â  I was so shocked that I gasped and they heard me.Â  I managed to duck into the laundry room, but somehow Kaufmann figured out it had been me.Â  He called me into his office and told me that I needed to mind my own business.Â  I said that the patients ARE my business and that I didn't want to work here anymore.Â  Then he opened his drawer and pulled out a bunch of those little plastic bags and said if I didn't keep working there, he would make sure I never got any more White Claudia.Â  I told him that was fine by me, but within two hours I was back in his office, groveling like a dog. I don't even want to talk about the hallucinations I had when it started to wear off.  
  
Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get a bad batch and overdose.Â  I don't know how much longer I can stand this place. 


	5. Chapter 5

Lisa began to open the door to Alessa's room, but paused when she heard voices inside.Â  Heart pounding, she pressed her ear to the wood to listen.  
  
"How far along are you?" Dr. Kaufmann said.  
  
"About six months," Dahlia replied.  
  
"Really?Â  You don't look pregnant at all."  
  
The woman cackled, an unpleasant sound like a rusty gate opening.Â  "I didn't show when I was pregnant with Alessa, either.Â  Everything will be all right."  
  
//My god...Dahlia Gillespie is pregnant?Â  But she's too old, isn't she?//Â   
  
"I'd like to do an exam to be on the safe side.Â  We can't afford to let anything go wrong."  
  
"I told you, Doctor, everything is going according to plan. This baby is safely sheltered in my womb, and when she is born, Samael will rise and bring us glory once again!"  
  
//Samael?Â  What the...//  
  
Lisa backed away quickly as she heard footsteps approaching.Â  The door swung open and she found herself face to face with Dahlia Gillespie.Â  She'd heard the stories about the crazy old woman since she was a kid, and occasionally seen her at the library or the grocery store, but she'd never actually spoken to her.  
  
"Hello, dear," Dahlia said, extending a withered hand.Â  "Are you the one who's been taking such good care of my precious angel?"  
  
"Th---that's me," Lisa said, forcing herself to shake Dahlia's hand.Â  Her skin felt like paper, and the bones underneath felt brittle, but Dahlia's grasp was surprisingly strong.Â   
  
"I do so appreciate it," Dahlia said.Â  "Doctor, please give her a token of my appreciation."  
  
Dr. Kaufmann reached into his bag and pulled out several bags of White Claudia, which Lisa eagerly accepted.  
  
"What was your name again, dear?" Dahlia asked.  
  
"My name's Lisa.Â  Lisa Garland."  
  
"Ah, yes, Ronald and Julia's daughter, right?Â  I was so sorry to hear about your parents' accident.Â  I should have brought you a casserole or something, but I was having some troubles of my own then."Â  She leaned forward eagerly, eyes shining.Â  "Tell me, did they ever find out wh---"  
  
"I'm sorry.Â  I don't mean to be rude, but I don't like talking about that," Lisa said, stepping away and shoving the White Claudia into her pockets, fearing that Dahlia would take it back.  
  
"I understand.Â  I shouldn't have asked."Â  Dahlia crooked a finger, beckoning Lisa closer.Â  "Come here, dear, I've got a secret to tell you."  
  
Nervously, Lisa glanced at Dr. Kaufmann, but he wouldn't meet her gaze.Â  She stepped closer to Dahlia, and the old woman suddenly grabbed her ear and yanked her head down.  
  
"Ouch!" Lisa cried, trying to free herself.Â  "Stop it, that hurts!"  
  
"I know you were listening, you little slut," Dahlia hissed.Â  Her breath was hot against Lisa's ear.Â  "You're one nosy kitten, and don't forget what curiosity did to the cat."Â  She released Lisa's ear and patted her cheek.Â  "Have a good day, dear," she said sweetly, as though nothing had happened.Â   
  
Lisa rubbed her stinging ear and watched Dahlia and Dr. Kaufmann walk down the hall.Â  Once they were gone, she ran into Alessa's room and slammed the door.  
  
"Oh god, Alessa," she panted, ripping open a packet of White Claudia and spilling it onto the tabletop.Â  "Your mother is pregnant again!Â  After what she did to YOU, what the hell is she going to do for an encore?"Â  She bent her head and snorted the powder, then sat down on Alessa's bed.  
  
"I think your mom and Dr. Kaufmann might be part of that cult," Lisa confessed, tilting her head back to let the White Claudia numb her throat.Â  "I don't know that for sure, but they mentioned something about Samael rising and bringing them glory, which sure sounds cultlike to me."Â  As the drug began taking effect, she curled up next to Alessa and gently laid her arm across Alessa's chest.  
  
"I don't know what to do," she whispered.Â  "I think they were behind what happened to my parents, and I think the police looked the other way.Â  I know what they do to unbelievers, and I'm so scared.Â  I just don't know what to do."  
  
Lisa closed her eyes and heard a voice whisper, "Of course you know what you have to do."  
  
"Yes," she murmured sleepily.Â  "I know what I have to do." 


	6. Chapter 6

August 16th  
  
Dahlia Gillespie brought her baby in today.Â  She hasn't been named yet, but she's a beautiful, perfect little girl with jet-black hair and wide dark eyes.Â  Dahlia asked me to hold her and feed her while she visited with Alessa.Â  So I did, and she felt so wonderful in my arms.Â  She never took her eyes from mine, not even while she was nursing, and after she was done, she grabbed my finger and held onto it as she fell asleep.Â  When Dahlia was getting ready to leave, she tried to take the baby and the baby started screaming and crying, almost like she knew what a monster her mother really is.Â  After they left, I went in the bathroom and cried for almost an hour.Â  I feel like that baby was trying to ask for help in the only way she knew how.Â   
  
I've already made up my mind.Â  I can't let anything happen to her.Â  If I do, I'm just as bad---no, I'm even *worse*---than they are.Â  I know they're going to kill me, but I think they might do that anyway, because I know too much.Â  Even if I go to the police in a different town, why would they believe my story?Â  I sure as hell wouldn't!Â  So at least if I die, I will have saved that baby's life.Â   
  
I've got to keep a clear head if I'm going to do this right.Â  I flushed all of my White Claudia down the toilet, and I called in sick to work because I know the withdrawal symptoms are going to be bad.Â   
  
God, give me strength.  
  
*Â  *Â  *Â  *Â  *  
  
August 17th  
  
flies are banging on the windows with their wings, they want to get in and eat me!Â  my skin is falling off my bones, it splatters on the floor, i scrub and scrub but the stains won't come off.Â  the flies are coming in through the drain and secret holes in the house.Â  they are laying their eggs under my skin and it burns so bad, i turn on the faucets and blood and pus and maggots come out instead of water.Â  i scrubbed my arms with steel wool to make the itching stop.Â  make them go away!  
  
need drug.  
  
help me.  
  
jesus christ won't SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME  
  
*Â  *Â  *Â  *Â  *  
  
August 20th  
  
I tried to quit.Â  I swear to God, I tried, but it was too much.Â  I defy anyone to read my previous entry and judge me.Â  Who the hell can live like that?Â  Finally I had to call Dr. Kaufmann and he came over and gave me a shot.Â  He said I was a fool for even trying to quit.Â  I just nodded and acted all grateful..."Yes, Dr. Kaufmann.Â  Thank you, Dr. Kaufmann.Â  You're so right, Dr. Kaufmann."Â  I hate debasing myself like this for him, but if it keeps him from suspecting anything...  
  
Anyway, I guess this will be the last time I write in my diary.Â  If anyone finds this, I hope they find a way to stop them once and for all.Â  Silent Hill used to be a beautiful place that I was proud to call my home...now it's hell on earth.  
  
Remember me. 


	7. Chapter 7

Lisa pulled her car up to the back entrance of the hospital and rested her head against the steering wheel, trying to summon the courage to go inside.  
  
//Come on, Lisa.  Get your ass in gear.  It's now or never.//  
  
Finally, she yanked her keys from the ignition and went inside.  The second she reached Alessa's room, Dahlia thrust the baby at her.  
  
"Watch her while I visit with Alessa," she commanded.  
  
Lisa wordlessly took the baby and began walking around the room, bouncing her gently and singing softly to her.  Warily, she watched Dahlia as the old woman sat at Alessa's bedside, speaking to her in a voice too low to hear.  
  
"Uh, Miss Gillespie, could I take the baby outside for some fresh air?  Alessa's not having a good day physically and the smell of her wounds is a little..."  Lisa let the words trail off.  
  
Dahlia waved a dismissive hand at her.  "Fine, just bring her back by the end of the hour."  
  
Lisa nodded and forced herself to walk slowly down the hall to the elevator.  She pressed the button for the first floor and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily.  The baby stirred in her arms and gurgled.  
  
"It's going to be okay, sweetheart," Lisa whispered.  "I'm getting you out of here."  
  
Once she reached her car, she placed the baby in a laundry basket on the floor of the passenger side.  "I'm sorry, this will have to do for a car seat," Lisa said apologetically, tucking blankets around the tiny form.  "I'll drive as safely as I can."  
  
She drove as quickly as she dared towards the border of Silent Hill, but shortly before the county line, the car sputtered and died.  
  
"No, no, no!" Lisa cried, pounding the steering wheel with her fists.  "You piece of shit!  What's wrong with you?"  
  
//Nothing's wrong with the car…something doesn't want you to leave.//  
  
Startled awake, the baby began to cry, and Lisa picked her up.  "Shhhh," she soothed.  "We'll just have to walk."  
  
Lisa got out of the car and walked for several miles until she reached the tiny Silent Hill cemetery.  Sobbing with exhaustion and pain, she slumped against a headstone and kicked off her shoes, exposing her bleeding and blistered feet to the air.  
  
"I don't know what to do from here," she whispered, kissing the baby's velvety-soft cheek.  "I don't want to just leave you here, but I don't want them to find you."   
  
The sound of an approaching car made her sit up in alarm.  "Oh god, no..." Lisa moaned.  She clutched the baby tightly to her chest and began rummaging through her purse, looking for anything she could use as a weapon.  
  
//I'll be good and goddamned if I go down without a fight.  They'll have to kill me to get to this child.//  
  
Car doors slammed and a man's voice said, "I don't know why you insist on coming here every year."  
  
"It's just so peaceful," a woman said.  "And some of these headstones are so beautifully carved that they're almost like art."  
  
Lisa didn't recognize the voices, so she braved a peek over the headstone where she was hiding.  The car on the dirt road had out-of-state plates, and the man and the woman weren't familiar to her at all.  
  
//Should I go up to them and ask them to take this baby?  No...they'll think I'm insane, and they'll go to the police, who will give her right back to Dahlia.//  
  
She watched the man and woman sit down on one of the benches.  "Did you have a good time, sweetheart?" the man asked.   
  
"I always have a good time in Silent Hill, Harry!" the woman said.  She leaned her head on the man's shoulder.  "I fell in love with this place on our honeymoon, the second we got here.  Does that sound crazy to you?"  
  
"No...because I fell in love with *you* the second I saw you," Harry said.  The woman laughed and playfully swatted his shoulder.  
  
"It's a shame we have to go home," the woman said mournfully.   
  
"Well, maybe this time we'll come back with that 'souvenir' we've been wanting," Harry said.   
  
"I hope so," she said.  "You would be such a good father, Harry."  
  
"And you would be an amazing mother," he replied.  They began kissing passionately.  
  
//It's now or never, Lisa.//  
  
Gently, she set the baby on the ground and took a pen and scrap of paper from her purse.  She hastily scribbled a note and tucked it under the strap of the jumper the baby was wearing.  
  
"We'd better get going if we don't want to get back too late," Harry said, standing up.  
  
"I'm sorry I have to do this," Lisa whispered to the slumbering baby.  She squeezed her eyes shut to ward off her tears, and she pinched the baby's forearm hard.  The baby woke up, howling with pain and outrage, and Lisa stood up and ran.  
  
"Hey!" she heard the man yell.  "Come back here!"  But she didn't look back. 


	8. Chapter 8

Harry's wife picked up the squalling bundle.Â  "Oh, sweetheart!" she cooed, stroking the baby's feathery hair.Â  "Oh, don't cry!"  
  
"Who was that woman?" Harry asked.Â  "Do you think that was the baby's mother?"  
  
"I don't know, but there's a note here," she replied, taking it out and reading it.Â  Harry watched in alarm as his wife's eyes spilled over with tears.  
  
"My god, Harry, listen to this," she said, her voice quavering.Â  "It says, 'Please take good care of my baby.Â  I had no other choice but to leave her here.Â  Her father will abuse her like he has done to me.Â  Whatever you do, don't take her back to Silent Hill, because he will kill both of us. Tell her when she gets older that Lisa loved her very much.'"  
  
"That's horrible," Harry said, tentatively stroking the baby's cheek.Â  "What should we do?"  
  
His wife looked up, and he saw no compromise in her eyes.Â  "We're keeping her." 


	9. Chapter 9

Lisa ran for as long as she could, but her legs finally gave out, and she fell in a heap on the side of the road.   
  
"God, no matter what, let her be safe," she whispered.  Exhausted, she fell asleep, oblivious to even the mosquitoes stinging her.  
  
Finally, she was jolted awake by strong fingers digging into her shoulders and shaking her.  "Lisa.  Lisa!"  
  
Lisa opened her eyes and saw Dr. Kaufmann and Dahlia standing over her.  
  
"Where is my daughter, you meddling bitch?" Dahlia screeched.  
  
Incredibly, Lisa found herself smiling.  "I don't know what you're talking about.  Have you gone senile?  Alessa is in the hospital, where she's always been."  
  
"You know I mean the other one!"  Dahlia's hand dealt Lisa a stinging slap.  
  
"I don't know of another one," Lisa said.  
  
"If you know what's good for you, you'll stop screwing around," Dr. Kaufmann growled.  "Or don't you ever want another taste of this sweet stuff again?"  He dangled a packet of White Claudia in front of Lisa's eyes, but she batted it away.  
  
"Fuck…you," she spat.  
  
Dr. Kaufmann sighed.  "Do whatever you have to do, Dahlia," he said, turning his back.  
  
"Don't you touch me," Lisa rasped, trying to drag herself away on her elbows.  
  
"Oh, I don't need to touch you to hurt you," Dahlia said.  
  
"Wh..." Lisa began, then howled as excruciating pain shot through every inch of her body.  Wetness began flowing down her face, and she touched her cheeks, staring in shock as her hands came away drenched in blood.  It dripped into her eyes, filled her mouth with the taste of copper, dyed her once-white uniform red.  She curled in on herself, clutching her sides in agony.  The pain seared through her body, causing every nerve and muscle to spasm.  Lisa thrashed about like a beached fish, finally curling in on herself.  Her blue eyes filmed over, and one last crimson tear trickled down her cheek.  
  
"She's gone," Dr. Kaufmann's voice said, seeming to come from a distance.  She felt his cool fingers close her lids.  
  
//No...I'm still alive...//  
  
A gentle voice said, "Lisa...wake up."  
  
Lisa opened her eyes and blinked hard.  She sat up and waved her hands in front of her face.  
  
//They're clean...and nothing hurts anymore...//  
  
A strange movie seemed to be playing out in front of her.  She saw her ravaged body lying on the ground, and Dahlia and Dr. Kaufmann crouched over it. "Leave me alone!" she shouted, but they didn't seem to hear her.  The lips of the corpse did not move.  
  
"Lisa?"  
  
Lisa turned her head and saw a beautiful black-haired woman, bathed in radiant white light, standing behind her. "It's over, Lisa," the woman said, reaching out her hand and helping Lisa to her feet. "They can't hurt either one of us anymore."  
  
"A-Alessa?" Lisa whispered hoarsely.  
  
The woman smiled, but didn't answer.  "I liked your poem," she said, tucking a sprig of violets behind Lisa's ear.  They watched silently as Dr. Kaufmann and Dahlia heaved Lisa's body into the trunk of a car.  
  
"They'll pay for what they've done," the woman said, clasping Lisa's hand in hers.  
  
Lisa took the violets from behind her ear and breathed in their sweet fragrance.  "Promise?"  
  
"I promise," the woman said.  "The you that isn't you and the me that isn't me will punish them all."  
  
"I don't understand," Lisa said.   
  
"You don't have to," Alessa replied, pressing her cool lips to Lisa's cheek.  "I will take care of everything from now on."  
  
Lisa threw her arms around Alessa.  "I was so scared!" she cried, burying her face in Alessa's shoulder.  "And I'm so tired."  
  
"You've earned your peace...you may sleep now. I'll bring you back when it's time."  
  
Lisa closed her eyes and let the darkness embrace her.  
  
//It feels...like flying...//  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
